Life.Sometimes the things that seem most important end up being trivial. And sometimes, the things that seemed trivial before end up being crucial.
I finally was able to get that “really important” interview I've been writing about since February- the one which I have largely based my research topic around, waiting to hear from the ma'alem himself regarding an issue and a hypothesis I had come to based on what you might call “inside information.”
Getting this interview has been something I've thought long and hard about and often stressed over. There are too many things to detail that had been roadblocks to this interview which I kept climbing over. I was so accustomed to things not working out that I could hardly believe it when at last the ma'alem walked through my door.
By this point, I suppose I had a lot of steam built up from waiting for so long that I had to work hard to let the ambiance unfold- the guys preparing the kif and the rollies, chatting and catching up while I sat on the edge of my seat ready with the tape recorder and laptop.
So I was left pretty speechless and paralyzed when the ma'alem didn't really want to talk about the primary questions I had. He didn't out right refuse, but he didn't respond. It became clear that I needed to drop the line of questioning. On top of that, the translator started lecturing me on what I could and couldn't fairly ask the ma'alem, based on his own opinion of my research topic. I was taken aback.
I fumbled to get other information down, searching for other questions that might be relevant but I was still thrown off by the dynamic between me and the impatient translator, which gave the whole situation an unpleasant vibe.
Despite all this, the ma'alem was interacting with me warmly and seemed to be enjoying telling stories and chatting with Hassan- they've been acquaintances and have played music together for a long time. I tried as much as possible to ask questions directly to the ma'alem in French or Arabic; and then I often found myself waiting for long periods of time after which the translator would usually respond, “He's just telling a story now, he didn't answer your question.”
Part way into the interview, I tried to resign myself to letting the questions go and accepting the evening as a simple opportunity to hang out with this maestro, maybe getting a few morsels of information along the way. But I was still disappointed and feeling uncomfortable enough that I was actually relieved when the whole thing was over.
Now, it's interesting to look back on this whole process and see that this interview which I'd built up so much in my head turned out to be almost useless. I suppose it's a lesson in being careful with our expectations in all of life. Interestingly, some of the most useful information I've acquired so far has been just hanging out with ma'alemin, off record, not on tape and without the purpose of an interview. And I guess that isn't entirely surprising. Often the most fruitful things in life are those we don't try and manipulate or create or force into being but that just unfold.
So this brings me, again, back to one of the biggest questions I have of my life, which I've not answered yet:
How do you know when to push, when to keep climbing over obstacles, when to insist on what you want versus knowing when to let go, when to see the obstacles as messages that perhaps you're taking the harder path unnecessarily?
All of this reminds me of a saying I recently heard:
“Life never works out the way we think it's going to. It's either a little bit better or a little bit worse than how we expected but never just as we imagined it would be.”
And when I look at it that way, I can start to see it as a blessing.
We're constantly living in a world of surprises and unknowns, which even when it might make our lives harder at times, keeps us on our toes, keeps us searching, keeps us awake, keeps us humble.
