It hit me last night when I was sitting around with the men at Ma'alem Seddik's house how much I've learned in the last 7 months in Morocco. Although I've been going to the ma'alem's house for 5 of those months and have spent a lot of time sitting in the wood shop with the older men trying to participate in conversation, last night it was suddenly apparent to me how far I've come.
It occurred to me how much I was participating in the conversation, understanding a great deal of what was being said, asking questions in Arabic, etc in a way that was impossible not that long ago. It's funny sometimes how it's difficult to see our progress in stages but easier when we suddenly look back over a longer period of time.
Realizing this allowed a part of me to relax and understand why it has been so important for me to be patient.
When I was in Tetuan last week visiting my former host family there, I was watching a film with them one night. The film was in English with Arabic and French subtitles and set in Morocco (there were even shots of Essaouira!). In the film, one of the main characters, a French lady and professional jazz singer, is struggling with having blackouts. She searches and searches for a cure until she finds herself in Morocco consulting a moqdama (priestess) who is, interestingly, surrounded by Gnawa musicians. The moqdama tells her, “Your problem is that you are trying to reap before you sow. You need to slow down.”
These words struck a familiar chord in me for all the times I've struggled to have patience when I wanted to know more, understand more and accomplish more on my own time frame.
Now that I look back and see how far I've come, despite all the setbacks, I'm proud of myself for sticking everything out. I'm glad I've continued to go to Ma'alem Seddik's house night after night despite barely understanding anything for so long, despite being the only woman there, despite feeling a little invisible in the beginning. Even when I was tempted to give up, pack up and go home out of pure frustration, the same source for the frustration also fueled an almost bitter determination to not be 'defeated' by whatever kept happening.
In the fast pace of life back home, where many of us try to multi-task and push ourselves to the point of exhaustion, I hope I will remember this lesson: you can't reap before you sow.
