Although I had my "bon voyage" party in early August to avoid the last minute panic, with now only 4 days left until I leave, this past week has been one of challenging goodbyes. First of all, I can't wrap my head around the fact that I leave in four days- so trying to say goodbye to my best friends is a mixture of poignancy and numbness; it mostly just feels surreal. When I was on my fourth or fifth goodbye to a good friend and was finally able to get a little emotional afterwards, I saw it as a good sign, progress that this is all finally sinking in.
Tonight I had to say goodbye to one of my best girl friends: a woman I met only 11 months ago but whom has since become dear to me- a kindred spirit I can both laugh with and lean on. As she pointed out, I'm leaving an entire life behind me, having established my life here in Portland over the last 6 years. Her phrasing it so candidly actually helped me feel a little less neurotic for all the times I've had mild waves of anxiety about this trip and what I'm leaving behind and stepping into. However, as I told her, there is not a single shred of doubt in my heart that I need this trip; I'm burned out and hungry for change. If you'll suffer me a cheesy astrological reference, Scorpios thrive on transformation and reinventing ourselves and if we don't get enough of this opportunity in our lives, we go a little nuts. It's been 6 years since I took a really long trip (lived in Ireland just before moving to Portland) so this restless Scorpio is itching for new adventures, smells, sounds, tastes and dreams.
As I walked away from this girl friend of mine tonight, although it still felt very surreal, the comforting and persistent thought that kept surfacing inside my head was, "I'm ready. I'm really ready."
